Thursday, February 09, 2006

Fahey for 2008?

Source: Reuters

Hollywood thespian Jeff Fahey denied comment yesterday when ambushed by a horde of fervent journalists each intent on deducting as much information as possible from his azure optics. They sprang their reporting trap on him as he left an upmarket restaurant where he had been dining with close pal and fellow actor Ken Foree. Upon reaching his car the writhing masses descended on him with no relent and only their various hack tracts in mind. Fahey was heard to pronounce shuddering yelps from his facial orifices in the vein of: “No comment, now fuck off you fuckers.” It was lines of similar manner that were to garner him dramaturgical kudos during his acclaimed one man shows on Broadway last year.

This was all genesis-ed last week when a rumour began to circulate the internet about Fahey’s proposed intention to run as an independent candidate in the 2008 Presidential Election. It’s unknown the exact origins of the hearsay, some say it was a deliberate leak orchestrated by Fahey’s PR people, others say it was created by a few prankster CNN reporters in order to fill time on a slow news day, whilst others muse that it may have come from a Jeff Fahey webzine.

It must be noted that although these are, at the current moment, simply unconfirmed rumours, neither Jeff Fahey, nor any of his representatives, have denied the content of what has been thus far circulated.

What has been ascertained in the journalistic milieu so far are a number of distinct details. Firstly, Jeff Fahey will use his financial power and widely recognised physical features to propel his campaign for White House supremacy. Secondly, he will run as a non-partisan independent, hopefully fulfilling a necessary third option for potential voters. Thirdly, he will run on a platform of championing civil rights, free speech, the dismantling of the industrial military complex, and a unity of the human race in the name of intellectual inquiry. Finally, it is thought that his running partner will be none other than Matt Frewer, yes the very same individual who stepped into the massive footwear of Jobe in The Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace.

But do remember 2008 is two years away; in the meantime Fahey has his hands full with his latest cinematic project, Existentialist Knucklefuck. The film takes its cue from the back and forth battles between Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus within the pages of Les Temps Modernes during 50s Paris. The film sees Fahey step into the slick plimsolls of Camus, and Steven Seagal into the hardy phenomenological clogs of Sartre. However proceedings are given a modern twist with the setting being the west coast conurbation of Los Angeles, and instead of precisely chiselled prose being utilised to damage ones opponent they will have epic battles across the downtown area that will involve harrier jump-jets and rocket propelled grenades. With filming just beginning it’s shaping up to be one of the big hits of the summer.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Duke De Mondo said...

I knew it! I knew those eyes were destined for yonder circular desk-room!!

And Existentialist Knucklefuck is, i believe, in the running for the Palm D'or. They knew nothin of it other than the title and Fahey's involvement, an see it as a fitting manner by which they may purge themselves after the shameful snubbing of Scorpius Gigantus.

12:13 am  

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